Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
