the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
