i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
