do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
