he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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