Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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