Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
