Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
