New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
