i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
