College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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