He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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