i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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