Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
