tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
