K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
