last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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