people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
