Girls should come with a carfax report
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
