I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
