we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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