Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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