Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
