god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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