So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
