Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
