Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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