wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
