he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
