I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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