"it" just moved
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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