everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
