all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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