Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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