My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
