Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
