when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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