btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
