We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
