I have demons in me.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
