help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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