It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
