I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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