I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
