Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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