im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
