Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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