google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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