you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
