its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
