A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
