mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
