i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
