just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
