I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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