Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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