Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
